


Accidents Will Happen

by Starling_Strider



Series: Anything Nori [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Adding that cause he is no matter what, Alternate Universe - Bilbo Remains In Erebor, Alternate Universe - Erebor Reclaimed, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Baby Dwarves, Baby Names, Baby Shower, Battle of Five Armies - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Car Accidents, Cigarettes, Cop!Dwalin, Crushes, Durin Family, Dwarven Ones | Soulmates, Erebor, Erebor Reclaimed, Good Guy Dwalin, Groin was a horrible name, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt Nori, I hate tagging, Kid!Ori - Freeform, Kili is Unhelpful, Kíli Is a Little Shit, M/M, Modern AU, Nori is a Little Shit, Nori is a grumpy old man in chapter eight, Officer!Dwalin, Old Age, Party, Police Officer Dwalin, Reverse roles, Scared Dwalin, So is Kili, Some characters listed will appear in later chapters, Soulmates, Spymaster Nori (Tolkien), Teen Romance, Teen!Dwalin, Teen!Nori, Upset Nori, also, car crash, dwarflings, i don't know how to tag, kid Ori
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-05-16 01:22:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5807806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starling_Strider/pseuds/Starling_Strider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nwalin One-Shots set in as many different situations and universes as I can think of. Reverse roles, modern AUs, soulmate stuff, angst if I can manage it, you name it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Guard and his Thief

**Author's Note:**

> Since I can't summarize this chapter in the summary, gonna put it here.
> 
> "They were a guardsman and his thief. And they always would be."

No one was entirely sure why Nori decided to become a guardsman. And everyone was pretty sure that at one point before it he'd been a thief.

Of course no one ever said it to his face, not unless they were extremely inebriated. And yet he'd heard it more times than he could count. Sometimes, if a person was being truly insulting, he'd scare them by appearing out of nowhere. If it was someone just sort of speculating or speaking in awe he'd be a lot kinder, giving them an almost friendly smile. He always had something to say, whether he snuck up on them or not. Sometimes he'd say he hadn't been but more often than not he completely agreed that he had been, making people wonder if the sincerity was real or not. It was always a different story too, when he agreed that he had been. "Oh, Dori forced me into it. Struck a deal I couldn't refuse. And a table. It's kindling now." "Got bored, thought it'd be fun to try my hand at it." "Getting away was getting too easy. Catching people, now that's actually interesting." And on one very memorable occasion for the only person who heard it, "Because Ori was born. I…I did it cause Ori was born."

Anyways, the point is is that Nori was not what you'd expect a guardsman to be.

But, then again, his favorite thief was not what you'd expect a thief to be either.

Dwalin was big. One of the largest dwarves in Ered Luin and, possibly, the entire of Middle Earth. Or so people said. Thieves and guards alike marveled at how fast he could move for a dwarf his size and with his strength, wondering constantly how he managed to slip away from dwarves half his size in places just as small. They all agreed that his strength also gave him an advantage. Where most thieves had to rely on speed when they got too close to a guardsman and got into a fight, Dwalin only had to deliver one punch to knock out his adversary and get away. People wondered how Dwalin, a dwarf others knew for a _fact_ had once been _the_ Thorin Oakenshield's _best friend_ , became a thief. No one ever asked but somehow Dwalin always heard. His answer changed every time. "None of your fucking business." "Do I look like I want to talk?" "Wanted to see what it was like on the other side of the bars, what the fuck kind of question is that?" And on one very memorable occasion for the only person who heard it, "I couldn't be a guard anymore. After…After Azanulbizar. I just couldn't."

Dwalin was a thief in a guardsman's body. Nori was a guardsman in a thief's. They were perfect for each other.

They constantly tried to kill each other.

They hated each other with a passion born from both their work and from seeing your reflection in another and not liking what you saw.

They loved each other so deeply that it made others ache for a connection like that.

They were a guardsman and his thief. And they always would be.


	2. Arrested Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You should know by now Dwalin, I never reveal my secrets.”

Nori took a drag off his cigarette and blew the smoke slowly back into the air, watching it swirl with dull uninterested eyes. It was a little difficult smoking with the handcuffs on but he was managing. Really, it would be shameful if he wasn't, with how many times he'd been in handcuffs. He even had the scars on his wrists.

Footsteps broke the silence. Nori took another drag as his favorite officer in the world came into view, looking pissed as always. "How did you even get those back here? We searched you." He questioned. Nori raised an eyebrow at him. What was with that tone? He sounded pissed but there was something off about it. Like for once he wasn't pissed at Nori.

Nori let out his smoke even slower than before, to the point that he knew he was trying the cop's patience. But, really, he didn't give a damn. They'd locked him up for nothing this time and it pissed him off. Seriously, he hadn't even been jaywalking. So he was going to piss Dwalin off as much as he could and smoke every last cigarette he had. Which was a lot. Seriously, they needed to start checking his hair when they brought him in. He had lock picks, six cigarettes, and several matches hidden in there. "You should know by now Dwalin, I never reveal my secrets." He said once the smoke was all in the air and flashed a too sharp grin at the bigger man. Not surprisingly, Dwalin glared at him like he was the scum of the earth and Nori's grin lost some of its edge to become a little harder. "So, to what do I owe this pleasure?" He asked, furious feral grin still in place.

For a second it seemed like Dwalin wouldn't tell him, like he'd just walk away without saying anything. A nerve in his jaw was ticking steadily, his arms were crossed, and his fists were clenched hard enough to turn the knuckles white. But then he let out a breath, his whole body relaxed, and he told him. "Thorin wants your help on a case." Somehow, he made it sound like a simple fact and not the shocking revelation that it was.

Nori choked on smoke.


	3. Unrequited?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His name was Nori Rivers and he was the most annoying person Dwalin had ever met.
> 
> His name was Dwalin Durin and he was both the most gorgeous boy Nori had ever seen and the most interesting.

Dwalin used to love going to Thorin's. He and Thorin could spend hours together without saying a word and they'd still call it the best evening they'd had in a while. His Aunt Fris would always feed him, even if he wasn't hungry, and playing with Frerin and Dis was always entertaining. But now Dwalin found himself dreading each visit. Not because he'd had a falling out with his family or because he felt unwelcomed. No, it was all because of Dis's new friend who was starting to be there almost as frequently as Dwalin.

His name was Nori Rivers and he was the most annoying person Dwalin had ever met.

Why Dis even liked him, Dwalin couldn't say. He was a thief, always swiping things from Dwalin's pockets and teasing him about it. He _never_ stopped talking, always going on and on like he didn't even need to breathe. He was loud and rambunctious and got his cousins, sometimes all of them if they were all hanging out, riled up without even trying. He told stupid jokes that weren't even funny. And he never stopped flirting with him. _Ever_. The boy could turn anything into a sexual innuendo.

Then again…

He was a thief, always swiping things from douchebags who picked on Dis or Frerin and buying them lunch with the money he took. He never stopped talking, he knew so much about a wide range of subjects and it was really interesting to just listen to him go on and on like he didn't even need to breathe. He was loud and rambunctious like a little kid and he got his cousins, even Gloin who was starting to think he was too old for games, riled up without even trying. He told stupid jokes that weren't even funny but to him they were and he had a really nice laugh that got everyone else laughing too. And he never stopped flirting with him. Ever. The boy could turn anything into a sexual innuendo and Dwalin frequently had to escape from him because if he didn't then his cousins were going to notice how red he got when normally he never even reacted to dirty jokes.

Nori Rivers was the most annoying person Dwalin had ever met. So of course he had the biggest stupidest crush on him.

Nori met Dis when some assholes were picking on her for being a little bigger than most and he stepped in. He had a once insecure brother with curves, no way was he going to let someone get picked on for their weight. Dis hadn't really needed him of course, she could handle herself just fine, but Nori had thought she might like a little backup. He'd been right and they'd been best friends since. And Nori loved Dis! Loved hanging out with her and her family. But there was just one cousin he couldn't quite be around without being thrown off balance.

His name was Dwalin Durin and he was both the most gorgeous boy Nori had ever seen and the most interesting.

He was tall and muscular, one of the star players of the football team and an aspiring cop. He had the most ridiculous hair, a bright blue mohawk, but it suited him. Tattooed already and he wasn't even eighteen. And he didn't talk much but when he did it was always important, Nori always made a point to quiet down when Dwalin decided to talk. He had some very interesting opinions and he didn't know a million subjects like Nori did but what subjects he did know he knew intimately. Nori had seen him knock out guys with one punch and yet he was the gentlest person with his family and the little kids who ran up to him to tell him they loved his hair. He read books Nori had never even heard of, not overly fast but he still finished each and every one. And he always had an interesting and through review of them for Dis who got most of her book recommendations from him. He had a wicked sense of humor and he appreciated good jokes.

Not that Nori told good jokes. He knew his were typically God awful but he found them funny and when Dwalin actually laughed at some of them he couldn't help but keep telling them. And he listened when Nori startled prattling on about stuff instead of interrupting him because he was talking too much like most people, even people who cared about him, did. He had the loudest laugh and he knew how to have a good time. He obviously didn't like that Nori was a thief but he seemed to appreciate it every time he used his less than reputable skills to mess with people who messed with his own. He was _nice_. He didn't even get yell at him when he turned everything he said into a dirty joke or flirted with him nonstop, even when he probably should have.

Nori really wished he knew how to show genuine interest in someone because, obviously, flirting like all he wanted was a quick fling wasn't getting him anywhere. Not that he was going to get anywhere even if he did learn how to show genuine interest. Because Dwalin Durin was the most gorgeous boy Nori had ever seen and the most interesting. So of course he'd have no interest in Nori.


	4. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The room was cold. Hospital rooms always were, at least Dwalin thought so. He'd been in enough of them.

The room was cold. Hospital rooms always were, at least Dwalin thought so. He'd been in enough of them.

They were quiet too. Except the machines. And the others in the room but no one had yet to speak. It was mainly just their general sounds of moving, breathing, a bit of crying.

The door opened. Dwalin had to force himself to look up from the person on the bed to the person walking into the room. Thorin, still in uniform. They both were. Thorin crossed the room to stand on the side of the bed opposite Dwalin, near the foot while Dwalin was near the head. "He's gonna live." Thorin told the room, cold and furious.

"Good." Gloin growled out from by the window. "Gives us a chance to make him wish he hadn't." A few of them nodded at that, each one furious. And completely spent now that most of their terror had worn off and they had actually seen what had happened.

Dwalin looked down at Nori. His Nori. His amazing wonderful Nori who was hooked to machines and still hadn't woken up. Then he looked at Dori across from him. Ori was there too but the kid was asleep, his head on the bed but not touching his injured older brother. "You're going to make him pay for this." Dori said and it wasn't a question.

Dwalin nodded.

They sat vigil. Fili draped a blanket over Ori. Kili texted rapidly with all the people who had heard Nori was hurt and were worried. Bombur and Bifur whispered quietly to Bofur that his friend would be alright. Oin mumbled about how he wished he'd been on duty when they'd wheeled Nori in and Gloin quietly told him there was nothing he could have done better. Bilbo came over and placed his hand on Thorin's shoulder.

Dori watched fretfully over his brother while rubbing soft circles in the sleeping Ori's back.

Dwalin stared down at Nori. His Nori. His Nori who he'd been on the phone with just minutes, apparently, before a man had gotten into the car with his boyfriend and held a gun to his head. His Nori who had listened, drove when the fucker said drove. His Nori who had recorded everything because he was paranoid about being pulled over by cops. His Nori who had driven straight into a tree when the bastard had said he was doing this to hurt Dwalin and when he got the chance, he was going to put a bullet in the cop's brain. His Nori who nearly died protecting him. His Nori who he wasn't sure was going to wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a sad.


	5. Parties Suck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This was it. The last straw, Nori wasn't dealing with it anymore."

This was it. The last straw, Nori wasn't dealing with it anymore. His boyfriend had ditched him two minutes into this party he knew _he hadn't wanted to come to anyways_ and Nori. Was. Done. After tonight no more parties, no more getting ditched, no more…..Fuck, who was he kidding? He'd put up with it because he always fucking put up with it. He used to not to, used to leave guys all the time, especially if they pulled shit like this on him, but now…Nori rubbed his face and wished he had a phone. He needed to talk to Bofur. He knew what the other boy would say, at first anyways. Dump him, take your Prozac, and talk to Dori. But if Nori said he didn't want to then Bofur would switch to just comforting or distracting him, depending on what he thought he needed at that moment. God, why hadn't he driven here himself? Maybe he could swipe someone's keys…

Someone plopped down beside him on the porch couch he was sitting on but Nori didn't look at them. He didn't want to have a conversation with any—Oh that was a hand on his thigh. Nori spun quickly in his seat, slapping the hand away as he did, to glare at the guy. He was wasted, Nori could tell, but that was no fucking excuse. He may be trash but he was trash you did. Not. Touch. "Don't fucking touch me." Nori growled at him, hands balling into fists.

The guy's brows furrowed in drunken confusion and anger. "What? It's a compliment." He said, frowning at him.

"It's a compliment to grab me without permission?" Nori questioned, digging his fists into the couch and his thigh to keep him from just going ahead and punching the guy. This wasn't his place or one of his friend's, he couldn't just start a fight here. Who knew if there'd be anyone to back him up.

"Aw come on!" The guy whined and suddenly he was a lot closer than he was before. Nori refused to move though. The Rivers didn't back down or give in when they were mad. It's why he was still arguing with Dori after a fucking week. "Just…Let's just have some fun! Alright?" And with that the guy started reaching for Nori's belt.

Nori didn't even get time to react before the guy was being ripped off the couch by a massive guy with a very distinctive blue mohawk. Nori watched as the guy was flung away, hard enough to make him fall. Several people stopped talking to look at them but Nori didn't notice any of them as he turned his eyes on his savior. His extremely pissed off savior. "Get. The fuck. Out." Mohawk Dude growled at the asshole and the guy instantly went running, dashing into the house like his life depended on it. Nori watched him go, needed to watch him go, and when he turned back Mohawk Dude was staring down at him. "You okay?" He asked, still sounding pissed but softer than before. Concerned. Nori nodded, a little too stunned to say anything. "Are you here with someone?" He asked. Nori was a little confused by that. Why did he need to know if he was there with anyone? Was…Was he mad because no one had been there to protect him? Why? He didn't know him. Hell, why had he even helped him. He nodded. Mohawk Dude scowled. "Who?" He questioned and oh yeah he sounded pissed again.

"Boyfriend." Nori answered, keeping his tone just curt enough to tell Mohawk Dude he didn't want to talk about it but not enough to be rude. Luckily his savior seemed to get it because he didn't say anything else. But he didn't leave either. He sat down and crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at everyone still watching them. "You don't have to sit with me. I really am fine." Nori insisted. He didn't want him to feel obligated to watch after him. It wasn't like he couldn't take care of himself. He would have had that guy on the floor in two seconds if Mohawk Dude hadn't stepped in. Which he was grateful for but still.

"I'm staying till your boyfriend shows up." Mohawk Dude grunted out and that was that. End of argument.

Nori flopped back against the back of the couch and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't feel good. Kinda sick, actually. His stomach was starting to twist into knots and he could still sorta feel the guy's hand on his thigh. He dragged his legs up onto the couch with him and wrapped his arms around his legs, not caring what Mohawk Dude or anyone else thought. He didn't feel good. He wanted Bofur. He wanted to go home and have Dori make him tea and threaten to kick the shit out of the guy. _He didn't want to be there_.

"What's your name?" Nori jumped a bit at the interruption in the silence and quickly turned to face Mohawk Dude again. He was staring at him, looking softer than before. Not so pissed anymore but obviously tense. Maybe he really didn't want to be near him.

"Nori."

"I'm Dwalin."

Nori smiled a little. At least he was trying to make polite conversation. "Nice to meet you Dwalin." He hesitated a moment, licked his lips and looked at his knees, not noticing the way Dwalin's eyes followed his actions. "Thanks for helping me. I could have dealt with it but…thanks." It really wasn't the best thank you in the world but Nori decided not to feel bad about it. Not when he felt this tired and sick.

Dwalin huffed through his nose and glared out at everyone once again talking and the people having fun in the pool. Not a single one of them had tried to do anything. Not a single one of them and Dwalin had seen a few of them watching Nori and that asshole who'd been touching him. "I shouldn't have had to. He shouldn't have touched you." He declared furiously. That got a smile out of the other boy. It was small and it looked kind of sad but it was still a smile. He didn't respond though and that bothered Dwalin. He'd looked close to freaking out or breaking down into tears before and Dwalin didn't want that to happen. "You go to school around here?" He asked, just trying to keep him talking.

"Used to. Just graduated last year." Nori answered shortly. If he'd been any less careful one of his eyebrows would have quirked up. Why was Dwalin asking about his school?

"Ered Luin High?" Dwalin raised an eyebrow at him which Nori only just noticed was dyed blue just like his hair. Well, the guy was certainly committed. "I know a guy from around there. Any chance you know Bombur?"

Nori jolted in surprise but his eyes lit up immediately. "Bom? Oh hell yeah, he's my best friend's brother. How do you know him?" He asked and Dwalin internally smiled. Apparently he'd gotten lucky and picked a good topic.

It was easy to keep Nori talking after that. Dwalin told him about how Bombur worked at his favorite diner around Rivendell University, Nori told him about Bombur's brother and cousin. They talked about the university a bit, Dwalin explaining that him and his cousin had sort of been forced to go since it was tradition for those who went to Erebor Private School to go to Rivendell. He told him a bit about his cousin, who was somewhere around there with his boyfriend. Who attended this really weird high school called Shire High. Nori had heard of it and they ended up laughing over it cause Shire High hadn't managed to win a football game in ages. They had apparently had a great winning streak years and years ago but that's just what Thorin's boyfriend said. Dwalin didn't really believe it. They kept talking till they were on the topic of stars and planets and Dwalin found himself learning about a bunch of different myths he didn't even know existed. It was actually incredibly interesting and he couldn't help but stare in wonder at the guy he'd helped because _wow_.

Dwalin didn't even notice any time passing until suddenly Thorin and Bilbo were standing in front of them, Thorin's arm wrapped both protectively and hinderingly around Bilbo's waist. Dwalin nearly groaned, something had obviously gone horribly wrong. "It's getting pretty bad in there. I think it's about time we leave." Thorin suggested and Bilbo made a sound that made it seem like they should have left a few minutes ago.

Dwalin was on his feet in a second but he hesitated immediately once he was up. He turned to look at Nori and found the other boy smiling up at him. But it was sort of sad again and it was strained and no, Dwalin was not leaving him like that. "Do you want a ride?" He asked and hoped to God the boy said yes. He didn't want to leave him there all by himself. Especially when his boyfriend still hadn't shown up. Dwalin was pretty sure the guy was probably a massive douchebag.

Nori hesitated. His boyfriend was an ass but… "I don't know…" He mumbled and looked to the doors of the house. He wished he hadn't though because there was his boyfriend just by the doors. Making out with another guy. Seeing it, Nori felt an old almost forgotten anger spurring up inside him. "You know what? I'd love a ride. Let's go. Just one thing first." Nori said and got up from the couch.

Dwalin, Thorin, and Bilbo watched as the boy walked over to a couple almost to the point of public sex, pulled them apart, and slammed his fist into the bigger of the two's face. They didn't quite hear what he said to him but Dwalin was pretty sure the guy's name was Bolg and what Nori had told him to do was physically impossible. Dwalin held up his hand when Nori came sauntering back over and they high-fived, Dwalin smiling and Nori grinning with triumph.

They dropped Nori off first since he was closest. Dwalin got out of the car with him and walked him to his door, pointedly ignoring the looks Thorin and Bilbo were giving him. And when he came back to the car, he flipped them both off. And smiled at the new number in his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really like this one but the idea got stuck in my head. Hopefully it isn't too terrible and I promise to write a better one next time.
> 
> By the way, if anyone wants to follow me on tumblr I've got two different ones. One is just hobbit and lotr stuff while the other is my day to day one.
> 
> Hobbitygoodness is my lotr and hobbit one. Shutupandlivealready is my day to day. That second one isn't meant to be poetic, I just got annoyed at having to pick a name.


	6. Not Judging and Totally Not Judging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elder brothers observe their younger brothers in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this a few days ago with no intention of posting a Valentine's Day thing but I decided I might as well.

Balin stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching his little brother and the boy he'd brought home with him sitting on the living room couch. They were cuddled together, his brother's massive arm wrapped around the thinner boy, holding him close. The boy had his arms circled around Dwalin's waist and was using his chest as a pillow. Balin smiled softly at them, his heart hurting but in a good way.

It wasn't just that they were cute. Which they were but that wasn't it. It was the fact that his brother, with this boy close to him and laughing at whatever stupid joke he'd just told (cause Dwalin only told stupid jokes), looked happier than he had in ages. He was laughing easier, louder, harder than he had in a while and his smile was practically blinding. It was like a weight had been lifted and a shadow banished.

Balin wondered if his brother had stopped blaming himself for Frerin. If this boy his brother was so clearly in love with had managed to do the impossible. But he didn't dare ask.

Instead, he just watched them. And he laughed quietly to himself when they started mock fighting, the boy playfully shouting that Dwalin had offended his honor.

***

Dori eyed his baby brother and the boy he'd brought home with a critical suspicious eye. They were in the living room with Ori, sitting on the couch together. Nori was looking over the drawings Ori had done, giving his honest opinion and praise. The boy had one arm wrapped loosely around Nori's waist and was looking at his little brother like he was the whole world. He didn't trust it.

Not that the boy was coming off as a bad person or anything. In fact, he'd been uncommonly polite to Dori and treated Ori with the same respect he did him. But that meant nothing. Nori looked _happy_. So unbelievably happy, like he hadn't since they were kids. Actually, since never really because even as kids Nori had always had a shadow on him. His smiles were coming easier and his laughter was genuine, not even the slightest hint of force behind them. And that was so good. So unbelievably good. But Dori was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because the Rivers were not known for their luck and the last time Dori had thought that his brother was improving, the person who'd been doing it had left Nori in a state even worse than the one they'd found him in. Dori swore if he ever got ahold of that Bolg…

The boy burst into laughter at something Nori said and Dori marveled at the look his little brother was giving the other boy. Pure love and adoration. Even with Bolg, Nori had never looked at someone like that. He had stopped thieving…

Dori wondered if he should interrogate the boy. Properly, not just the basic questions every sibling asked when presented another sibling's significant other. He needed to know if this boy would actually stay with his brother. If he needed to step in and end the relationship wuick before Nori could really get hurt.

But not right then. Right then, he was going to enjoy the sight of his baby brother oh so clearly in love and laughing freely with their little brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day everyone!


	7. Sort of a Baby Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I vote for Alfonso!" Kili shouted from the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a continuation (sort of ) of chapter three of Stone, Gem, and Fire.

"I'm not naming him after your dad, Gloin." Nori told the banker before pulling her pillow over her face. It looked like she was trying to smother herself to death.

"Come on! His Great Uncle was a great man!" Gloin argued. He was sitting at the kitchen table, smiling at the back of the couch cause he couldn't see through it to look at Nori.

Nori let out a long suffering groan before hauling herself into a sitting position. Dwalin instantly rushed over, moving her pillows so that she was more comfortable. His cousins watched on with amusement, especially the arguing Gloin who'd been through this already. "His name was _Groin_ , Gloin! I'm not evil enough to name my kid that! And don't even get me started on how cruel your grandparents must have been!" Nori shouted at the experienced parent. She wasn't angry though. She was actually having a good time. Who knew Baby Showers could actually be enjoyable?

"I vote for Alfonso!" Kili shouted from the kitchen.

Nori fell back onto her pillows with an exhausted huff. She turned and glared at the man responsible for her pain but her glare quickly turned into a smile. What? It was hard to be angry when Dwalin Durin was looking at you like that. She leaned forward as much as she could and stole a kiss from him. He was lucky she loved him so much. Because if she didn't she'd never have agreed to keep the baby name from everyone till the delivery.


	8. Old Age

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nori would be the first to admit it. He'd gotten old.

Nori would be the first to admit it. He'd gotten old. He wasn't exactly sure how though. He'd been a thief for the longest time, faced off against a dragon, fought in a battle that he'd gone into thinking with utter certainty that he'd die in it, became Spymaster of a fucking _kingdom_ , and fought in a war that had rattled all of Middle-Earth. By all accounts, he should be dead. No one went through that much and didn't die. But somehow, _somehow_ , he'd managed it. And now he was old.

But that didn't mean a damn thing! He could still protect his mountain! Still protect his king! Albeit, it was different king yet again and it'd taken a while for them to properly work together as Spymaster and King instead of Spymaster and Prince, but still. No one and nothing was going to stop him from doing his job.

Especially not some upstart little _brats_.

Nori handpicked his underlings. No one got into his business unless he wanted them to. But that didn't stop some from trying to force their way in or from commenting on how he probably wasn't fit to be Spymaster anymore. He was pushing two hundred and forty, he probably wasn't nearly as fast as he used to be. And then there were the criminals. The ones who thought they could start getting away with things now because his fingers probably weren't as nimble as they used to be. His bones probably creaked now when he tried to sneak around, like the Men when they got old. Nearly double their age, he couldn't possibly be as intimidating still as people said.

Nori made sure each and every one of them knew exactly how wrong they were.

When one of those who wanted in on his network of thieves and spies and sort of low lives started getting uppity, Nori made sure to let loose the energy he usually kept reserved for time with the Company. He laughed louder, casually tossed his knives into the air and caught them again, challenged anyone who seemed in the mood to a good spar. Basically, he showed off. And when he knocked the uppity thing on their ass during a match he grinned like a mad man. Not as fast, ha!

When it was one of the criminals, he had to be a bit more careful. He played the grumbling old man in front of them while he razed their operations to the ground behind their backs. And when they were standing there wondering what had happened, cuffed by his underlings or by Dwalin's, Nori liked to sneak up on them and steal from their person. After that he usually waved whatever he'd stolen around while he very calmly and cheerfully threatened to cut off a few body parts of theirs if they even considered breaking out of prison.

Nori claimed it was all necessary. He couldn't have anyone doubting his authority, the very mountain would crumble! Dori grumbled that his brother was being just a little too much of a show off for it just to be that. Dwalin chuckled and decidedly didn't make fun of Nori for being upset over being called old. He knew what would happen if he did. Nori had caught him sulking months back over being called the exact same thing.


	9. Dwarflings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nori thought he was going to die. Death by dwarflings, that's how he'd go. Not impaled by an orc or knifed in an alley. Dwarflings.

When Nori agreed to be the Spymaster of Erebor he thought his job would mainly be centered around protecting the royal family and stopping any major criminal activity that might spring up, with some help from the guard of course. Maybe he'd secretly protect a few foreign relations as well and maybe he'd go and do a bit of spy work in the other mountains. He never thought his job would include babysitting.

But here he was. Watching over a couple of dwarflings whose parents, a few leaders from the few dwarven settlements in the White Mountains, were busy talking with Thorin and Bilbo. Lovely dwarves, all of them. Very knowledgeable of matters of state and politics despite most of them not having a lick of nobility in them. From all over the place too which made for interesting conversation. With them. Their kids, not so much.

Not to say Nori wasn't fond of dwarflings, it was hard not to be fond of the precious awww inducing bundles when their race reproduced so infrequently. It was just….He didn't really know how to deal with them. He hadn't spent much time alone with Ori the first few months of his life and then he'd started popping in and out of his brother's life like a spirit. He wasn't totally absent but still, the longest time he'd stayed with his brothers without disappearing had only been a month. Some years the time he spent with them would add up to three, sometimes four, but in just one visit a month had been the longest. So he wasn't experienced with handling dwarflings. Not at all.

So whoever's bright idea it had been to put Nori in charge of them was going to get a knife to the eye.

They were _nerve wracking_. One wouldn't stop putting things in his mouth, even _sharp_ things, and another thought it was _hilarious_ when he tried to stop her from banging her head off the wall and _kept trying to do it_. The third and forth ones were pulling things out of drawers and the fifth one was just a _baby_ so he was trying desperately not to drop him while he tried to stop the others from hurting themselves one handed. It was terrifying. And Nori thought he could feel grey hair coming in, despite the fact that he was still far too young for that to happen. For Durin's sake, how had Dori done this!? Actually, how had his amad done this?! Better yet, how in Mahal's Holy Halls was Bombur doing this?! The dwarf had twelve children! Twelve! Nori couldn't handle _five_!

It didn't help when anyone dropped in either. Fili and Kili, both temporarily free to do as they pleased since the initial tour of Erebor didn't require them, had them all stirred up in minutes and still stirred up well after they'd gone. Bofur and Bifur had brought them toys but that had just made them noisier as they made toy dragons fight toy dwarves and burn down toy elves. Dori (Nori may have gained some newfound sympathy for his brother but he was still going to kill him after this) had brought them sweets which had put them in the most hyper mood Nori had ever seen a set of dwarves in. Poor Ori had had to leave almost as quickly as he'd come because the children were overwhelming him with requests for stories and to see his drawings and demands for him to draw them.

Nori thought he was going to die. Death by dwarflings, that's how he'd go. Not impaled by an orc or knifed in an alley. Dwarflings.

Thorin was going to get punched. Nori didn't care if he was royalty. He was his friend, his evil conniving friend, and he was getting punched.

He collapsed back into a seat, placed the nipple of a glass milk bottle into the baby dwarfling's mouth, and decided to just let whatever happened, happen. He closed his eyes and prayed to Mahal and any of the Valar he thought would take pity on him to just kill him now. Then he felt a weight crawling into his lap, carefully minding the baby in his arm, and he was forced to open his eyes.

The little dwarrowdam blinked up at him with eyes bigger than the moon. "Misser Nowee?" Nori felt like he'd been punched in the chest. Mahal help him, why were dwarflings so cute? Evil and exhausting but so cute. "Will you 'ell me a stowee?" She couldn't quite get "ri" and "ry" sounds right. And her t's weren't quite there yet. It was adorable. Mahal wept.

Nori tried to think of the stories Dori used to read him. All full of morals and such, the type of stories you were supposed to tell dwarflings so they grew up knowing right from wrong. But all Nori could think of was the stories he used to tell Ori. The ones about adventure and dragons and knights and marketplaces filled with oddities. Back then, they hadn't been stories about his travels. They'd just been stories he'd made up, things he wanted to do. He'd ended up living some of those stories actually and some of them were everything he'd thought they'd be. Maybe…Well, it couldn't do much harm, telling one little dwarfling those stories, could it? He highly doubted she'd be like Ori and manage to rope herself into a harebrained quest to kill a dragon.

So Nori started telling her a story that he now knew he'd set in Harad. Wonderful place, very interesting. Blazing hot but it was worth it. It was interesting, telling another dwarfling the stories he'd told Ori. And then he realized the other children were listening in and it became even more interesting. Each of them seemed to have a different reaction to every part in his story, one of them, the little dwarfling who'd been pulling things from drawers, even scrunched his nose in obvious dislike when he brought up oliphaunts. But they all enthusiastically demanded another story and how could he say no? Especially with the baby calm, watching him intently as he talked. He was starting to drift too which meant Nori couldn't move much or else he'd wake up and probably start crying.

His next story was about a dwarf in the Iron Hills who became the best goldsmith there despite the lack of material; something Nori hadn't done of course but had thought was a good story. The next was about a dwarf in the Blue Mountains who could move through bad rock like it was solid, which Nori had done and could still do. His third was about a knight of Gondor and a knight of Rohan and an elven lady from Mirkwood. He thought that one wouldn't be as liked, Ori had liked it but he'd been a strange child, like his brother, but surprisingly the little dwarflings adored it. They asked for more and he kept it up as best he could while gently lulling the baby completely into sleep.

By the time their parents came to get them, all the dwarflings but the one in Nori's lap were fast asleep. And she was almost asleep, fighting it only because she wanted to know what happened to the dwarrowdam who took on half an orc army all on her own (it'd originally been a dwarrow but Nori had changed it for her because girls, and boys for that matter, needed to hear stories about strong females). The visiting dwarves praised him in whispers and thanked him profusely for watching over their young ones. Thorin tried not to laugh from the doorway and Nori was too tired to punch him when he finally managed to stand up and make his way out of the nursery. Bilbo was kind enough to walk him home and not laugh too much when he practically collapsed into Dwalin when he opened the door. Dwalin, wonderful dwarf that he was, carried him to bed and helped him into his nightshirt so he wouldn't have to move too much.

"Dwarflings are impossible." Nori whined as Dwalin finally crawled into bed with him. Dwalin opened his arm and Nori curled as tightly as possible against him. "I want one." He mumbled into his husband's muscles and Dwalin let out a deep rumbling laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so there's three chapters in one night. Or technically it's morning for me. Everyone have a wonderful day/night.


	10. Incompleteness and Fate

          Nori had never believed in the whole “One” thing. It was ridiculous. Why in the name of Gen would Mahal give them “Ones?” The old stories said he made them to withstand all things so why would he make them incomplete? Other half of your soul his ass. There was no red thread attached to him, connecting him to some other dwarf or hobbit or elf or man. There was no pull deep inside him directing him one way or another. Nori of Ri was complete and he didn’t give a damn what others said. He had no One. He was going to choose who he fell in love with, he wasn’t going to let some imaginary Fate control his life.

***

          Dwalin was a romantic, always had been. No one would suspect it of him just looking at him but everyone who knew him well knew he was one of the biggest saps in Middle Earth. So of course he believed in Ones. Ever since he was a dwarfing and had first learned the tale he had been determined to find his One. There were bits of the story he didn’t believe, the pull bit specifically, but he believed in the red thread and that one day Fate would lead him to his One. And he’d know him in an instant.

***

          Nori cursed as he was chased through the market. He’d gotten spotted swiping from a merchant’s stall and the guard had chased after him, several lads and lasses all determined to see him in irons and stuck in a cell. He was used to this sort of thing of course, all thieves, even the best of thieves, get caught every once in a while, but this time was different.

          The City Guard had gotten a new recruit. And this sucker just didn’t know when to stop.

          He’d lost all the others quickly, one way or another, but this one was of a different material. He had barreled through every obstacle Nori had put in his way, including people. Even when he had lost sight of Nori at certain points he’d been smart enough to find him again before he could disappear. And now, now the great brute was even following him as he made his way across the roofs! He’d be impressed if it wasn’t so annoying.

          Enough was enough. He needed to get away. He suddenly veered right, leaping across the alley between the houses to reach the other roof. He did it once more before slipping quickly down a drain pipe. There were paths near here, paths not even this guardsman could follow him down. If he could just get to them he could—

          Something very big and very solid slammed into him. Nori went crashing into the ground, large arms circling around him. It only took a moment though for him to regain himself and he slipped out of the arms as quickly as they had grabbed him. He wrestled with the guard, because who else could it be, all the while trying to go for one of his many knives. But he’d left the ones that went up his sleeves at home and the guard made it very hard to reach the others. Still, he’d almost gotten to them when the guard suddenly slammed him into the ground, bouncing his head off the ground. It hurt but he snarled against the pain and blinked the brief blackness from his eyes to glare up at the guard.

          The world stopped around them. Nori stared up at the guardsman above him and something stirred deep in his chest, something instinctual, something that reached out. He was bigger than Nori, older too but not by too much. His head was bald on the top and tattoos, still very black and very new, shined on them. His beard had been shorn but Nori didn’t jump to conclusion, going by his head it was just another mark Azanulbizar had left on him. Nori had seen enough dwarves like him, ones that had cut their beards and hair in grief. He’d never seen one with a shaved head or such a short beard but it didn’t matter. It made since actually. Of course his—

          No. No, no, no, no, no. This dwarf was not, could not be, his One. They weren’t real! People tricked themselves into believing the one they loved was some sort of soulmate! It was not an instant thing that someone knew when they saw them! It wasn’t!

          But the dwarf above him had frozen and was staring at him in shock. So he was feeling something. And now his expression was starting to change and he was opening his mouth—

          Nori slipped out from under him and had disappeared before even a sound could leave the bigger dwarf’s mouth.

***

          Dwalin didn’t see the thief for many years after that. He looked for him in as subtle a way he could, listening to the things whispered in and between the cells and patrolling the seedier streets of Thorin’s settlement. But the thief, his thief, his One, didn’t return for years. And the next time he saw him he was once again running from him, this time for stealing a headpiece of rubies and gold, one of the finer pieces of jewelry in Ered Luin. Nothing like in Erebor but it was still beautiful.

          He didn’t catch him that time. His One hadn’t wanted to get caught before but this time he was desperate. He wasn’t just running from guards, he was running from Dwalin. He didn’t catch him. And he didn’t see him for years yet again.

          It kept happening. Once or twice he’d catch him but he always slipped away before Dwalin could begin to speak. He thought he saw him once in the market with a dwarfling but he wasn’t sure. And if it was him, he wasn’t going to confront him then. Not with a dwarfling there, not when he was more than likely feeling safe for the first time in a long time.

          Finally, _finally_ , they truly caught him. Not by their own merits, a runaway cart had plowed into the thief before he could dodge out of the way, but they’d been quick to scoop him up and clap irons on him. The others hadn’t been gentle and Dwalin had felt a great fire of rage build up inside him. It’d taken everything in him not to do anything rash like break his fellow guardsmen’s hands but he managed to calm himself by quickly taking over in escorting the thief back to the cells. They picked one far from the others—“Far from help, thief” one of the others had taunted—and Dwalin made sure he was left alone with his thief.

          “We’ve got a list as long as my arm filled with charges against you.” He told his One. The redhaired dwarf just glared at him, huddled up in the corner of his cell, now attached to the wall. His hands were tucked against him though, they’d given him just a long enough chain for that. “Can’t prove all of them.” He admitted, his tone a small bit condescending. “I’ll strike them from the record. I don’t convict dwarves for crimes they haven’t committed.” If the thief was surprised, he didn’t show it. And he didn’t look impressed either. Not that Dwalin was trying to impress him by letting him know he’d progressed to Captain of the Guard. But it would have been nice for some sort of reaction. “We need a name. Can’t convict a dwarf with no name.” Still, nothing.

          Until Dwalin took a step forward.

          He didn’t expect the knife that appeared before his foot, perfectly aimed to fall between the crack of two stones. He looked down and that was when the thief made his move. He tackled Dwalin, knocking him off his feet. Dwalin’s head bounced off the ground so for the briefest moment he didn’t notice his One’s hands retrieving both the knife and the keys at his belt. He recovered but wasn’t quick enough to catch the other dwarf before he opened the cell door. And he wasn’t quick enough to catch him before he slammed the door shut and threw the keys far down the hall.

          Dwalin went to yell, to get the others to come running down and stop his thief, but his One stopped him by coming closer. Out of touching distance but close enough that Dwalin could see the exact color of his eyes. Which were emerald green now but Dwalin could have sworn they were silver before.

          “Don’t.”

          His voice surprised Dwalin, he’d never heard it before. Half heard curses and laughter didn’t count. He liked the sound. But that was all his thief said before he took off running.

          The others didn’t catch him escaping. By the time they came back to let Dwalin out though, he’d figured out what his One meant.

          Don’t come near me.

***

          His name was Dwalin, he’d heard one of the other guards call him it. Nori knew who he was the second he’d heard the name. The other son of Fundin. Nori could have laughed. Of course him and his brother had Ones from the same House, from the same Line. It just made sense didn’t it? Dori’s One was his One’s brother. Absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.

***

          Dwalin still chased the thief. His One didn’t want him, fine. He’d stay away from him. But the thief wasn’t his One so he chased him.

          Like a Captain of the Guard was supposed to do.

***

          Ori met his one when he went and signed himself up for Thorin Oakenshield’s mad quest (proof in Nori’s eyes that he was just the third mad king of that Line). Nori and Dori found out when Prince Fili of the Line of Durin came to their home personally, escorting Ori and with his uncle and brother and Dwalin and Balin behind him, to tell them. Dori looked like he was going to keel over from shock. Nori felt himself boil with rage.

          Ori. Was. Complete. He didn’t need someone to complete him! What was Mahal doing?! Why would he bind him to one of this Line? Why would he give his sweet little brother to a dwarf, a future king, that would more than likely fall to the same madness as his forbearers?! Yes, yes, being the One to a prince/someday king would have its benefits but he didn’t care. This was cruel. Their creator hated his House.

          Dwalin managed to get halfway through listening to all the explanations and promises before he turned abruptly and requested from his king permission to arrest Nori. Dori and Ori were both instantly outraged, though they both liked Dwalin, and the others tried to placate the guard but Dwalin insisted that if he didn’t arrest Nori now the redhaired dwarf would never pay for his crimes. Not surprisingly, at least to Nori and Dwalin, he only silenced when Nori spoke up.

          “You can’t arrest me, you great big brute.” He snapped at the other dwarf who glared back viciously.

          “Why not?” He snapped back with equal anger.

          Nori straightened his back and held his head high. “I Nori of Ri, son of Kari, hereby join the quest to reclaim Erebor and pledge myself to serve the king.”

***

          His words weren’t quite right, he had to reword them and add in a few things to make it truly official, but it was enough. He was signed on to join the Company that day. Dori wasn’t far behind.

          Nori got very drunk that night and tried very hard not to think about how he’d be traveling with Dwalin for months, stuck in close confinements and unable to get away.

***

          Being surrounded by Ones all day every day was excruciating, for both Nori and Dwalin. For Nori, watching his brothers interact with their Ones was torture and hearing about Gloin’s and Bombur’s drove him insane. For Dwalin, it was because his own One was so close and yet denied they were anything more than companions brought together by force.

          After Thorin suddenly found his One in a hole in the ground (not that either of them would admit it, making Dwalin and Nori both feel mixed emotions as they observed the hobbit and their king), Bofur and Kili were the only ones among them that hadn’t found their Ones. (Both Bifur and Oin had lost theirs to Azanulbizar and Gloin and Bombur had left theirs behind in Ered Luin.) Kili bemoaned it but Bofur joked with Nori and Dwalin alike that their red threads were tied to their weapons. Neither of them ever said that they’d met their One. No one needed to know about that.

***

          Nori refused to admit that he felt better around Dwalin somehow, more relaxed and more, Mahal help him, complete.

          Nori refused to admit that when Dwalin kept Ori from falling as they were swept around by the stone giant that he felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and something fluttering in his stomach.

          Nori refused to admit that when he saw Dwalin being pushed ahead of him by the goblins he felt angry. And that when he turned around and tried to fight his way back to Nori he felt shocked and gratitude and that flutter again, only stronger. And that when he gave Ori his warhammer to fight with he wanted to kiss him. And that when helped him up after the Goblin King fell on them he wanted to thank him until he couldn’t speak anymore.

***

          Dwalin refused to admit that looking at Nori made his heart hurt like he was being stabbed.

          Dwalin refused to admit that whenever Nori got injured it scared him so much he thought he was going to choke.

          Dwalin refused to admit that he loved Nori the second he saw him. And that it took him till Rivendell to figure out that it wasn’t the same as being in love. And that it took months more for him to fall in love with him, trapped a wall away from him in the elf prick’s cells listening to him keep everyone’s spirits up by singing songs and telling jokes and making fun of the elves whenever they made the mistake of looking at him.

***

          They didn’t admit anything to each other in Laketown. They didn’t say a word to each other before entering the mountain. But they ran from a dragon together, protected their king together, stood beside each other as they watched Smaug fly towards Laketown. They looked to each other at the first sign of their king’s madness and when they were donning their armor.

          On the battlefield, they looked for each other. And when Dwalin rode for Ravenhill he swore he heard Nori roaring that he’d kill him if he died up there. Ori and Dori both roared something similar at their own Ones.

          After the battle, while their king and princes recovered, beside their Ones, the two met each other outside the healing tents. They didn’t say anything to each other either. But everyone who saw them kissing like it was yet another battle had plenty to say.

***

          “I wasn’t incomplete.” Nori told Dwalin one night when they were laying together.

          Dwalin looked at Nori and the redhaired dwarf felt himself holding his breath. “I know.”

          Nori breathed.

***

          Nori had never believed in Ones. Dwalin always had. It took orcs, wargs, spiders, elves, water, a dragon, fire, and a battle to convince Nori that Fate was real and Dwalin that being Ones didn’t immediately equal love.

          It still took them until after most of Erebor had been restored to finally bind themselves to each other, completely legally. But that was to be expected. After all, Dwalin couldn’t let himself be called a liar.

          He’d told Thorin he’d marry his One only after Thorin married his.


End file.
